Shortaki Week 2017
by Pointy Objects
Summary: A week of one-shots dedicated to our favorite couple. Ratings vary by chapter. AxH
1. Jungle

SHORTAKI WEEK

DAY ONE: JUNGLE

"I'm not going on the river cruise?"

"Why not?"

Helga asked the question knowing the answer already. Of course he wouldn't waste his time on some sight-seeing trip. She saw it in his reaction to the submission video; it was more than just an expression of love from the community that raised him. It was an opportunity to find what he'd lost so many years ago, and Helga couldn't find it in herself to be so selfish as turn a blind eye to it.

"I might never get a chance to come back here. I need to find them, or at least try."

Helga nodded. "I understand. Actually, I don't, because I'm not a ridiculously optimistic football-headed loser in a foreign country looking for my long lost parents, but…you know…"

"Thanks, Helga."

"So, how are we going to give the Simmons the slip? He's being extra vigilant, especially since the whole chocolate factory incident…"

" _We_?"

"Hey, it's no snot outta my nose; I just thought you'd need…I don't know…a friend, or something, to help you on your little adventure."

Arnold chuckled. "I guess I could use a friend."

* * *

A/N: Am I the only one who wants to make all their Shortaki Week prompts Jungle movie related? I don't know if I can, but I certainly want to.

Happy Shortaki Week, friends!

-PointyObjects


	2. Temptation

Helga knew the consequences of her actions before she even decided to make her move. It's hard not to think ten steps ahead, she reasoned, when you spend the majority of your youth stalking one person.

She did not, however, prepare herself for dessert. The chef, as a token of his appreciation, sent over twin slices of strawberry cheesecake.

Helga declined. Arnold indulged.

The only evidence of the dessert was a smudge of bright red on Arnold's left cheek. After three or so minutes of trying (unsuccessfully) to direct his hand to the offending spot, Helga dug in her handbag, and pulled out a long, wide tube.

"What're you doing with that?" Arnold asked, a she clicked the antihistamine into place.

The temptation was just too great.

"Getting that dumb smudge off your face."

* * *

A/N: Not TJM related. Oh well.

-PO


	3. Embrace

Embrace

Helga G. Pataki was not a cuddles. She fell asleep on her own side of the bed every night and woke up on that same side every morning. The apartment she shared with her husband was drafty, to say the least, and as such, she barely shared her blankets, let alone body heat.

When her husband informed her, after a year or so of marriage, that she did indeed curl up against him every night, only to abandon him as soon as the sun rose, Helga merely scoffed at him and finished her breakfast.

It wasn't until a few months later, when work took Arnold out of town for an entire weekend, that Helga had to admit that her husband was telling the truth.

She awoke on that Saturday morning, her arms and legs wrapped securely around Arnold's pillow, and lying on his side of the bed.

She immediately thought of abandoning her stance, but instead, feel back asleep, enveloped by the lingering scent of her husband.

* * *

A/N: Boo. I uploaded Day Three on Day Two. And neither of them are that great. Sorry, frands.

-PO


	4. Tears

Shortaki Week

Day Four: Tears

"Can you stop laughing for _one_ second?!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she replied, only stifling her laughter behind one hand as she passed Arnold a wet rag. "But, honestly, can you blame me?"

"Yes, I _can_!" he said, pressing the rag to his reddened eyes and face. "Why do you have that anyway?"

"I'm a girl, living alone in the city..."

"That makes sense-"

"And sometimes, Brainy follows me home."

" _Still_?!"

"Not as much these days. But, you know...I like to stay prepared."

"That's it; I'm walking you home from school, until we graduate." Arnold blinked hard and winced.

"Fine by me, Footballhead," Helga replied, running cold water over another hand towel. "Sorry again about the pepper spray. Better safe than sorry, right?"

" _Sure_. Remind me never to surprise you under a streetlight after dark."

* * *

A/N: Technically, Shortaki Week is over. Oh well.

Also, let me know in your review if you want to hear the hilarious take of PointyObjects' first brush with pepper spray. Its a hoot.

-PointyO


	5. Explosion

Shortaki Week

Day Five: Explosion

"Helga?! Helga, where are you?!" Arnold knew it was unwise to make so much noise so close to their camp; they'd only narrowly escaped, but when he realized Helga was no longer running behind him, he threw caution to the wind. Retracing his last steps was difficult in the dense greenery surrounding them, and he soon found himself turning in circles, shooting her name. Before he could bellow out another syllable, however, a hand clamped over his mouth, muffling any further sound.

"Pipe down, would ya?!" Helga whispered harshly, before releasing him. "You want the whole stinkin' jungle to hear you?"

Before she could further scold him, he wrapped her in a tight, frantic hug. "Helga! I thought I lost you!"

Allowing herself to melt into his embrace for a moment, Helga took her time in gently shaking him off. "Of course not! I just needed to run back to...do something."

" _'Do something_ '? What could _possibly_ be important enough for you to run _back_ into La Sombra's camp?"

"...you know that big, silver tank thingy we saw in his tent?"

"...yeah?"

"I may, or may not, have set it on fire."

At that moment, an explosion echoed behind them, shaking trees and sending flocks of birds into the sky.

Helga looked to Arnold wearily. "We should probably start running now."

* * *

A/N: Spanish 2 Was All For You is an amazing TJM fic. I'm gonna post all of my Shortaki prompts and go reread it, because it's my fave. You should do the same.

PointyObjects


	6. Soulmates

Shortaki Week

Day Six: Soul mates

Helga watched her friend from across the room, smiling over a mostly uneaten plate of food at the other occupants of the hall. Every few minutes, someone would approach her and request a photo.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you weren't very interested in dancing with me."

Helga rolled her eyes at her partner. As the Maid of Honor, she was nearly obligated to spend the entire evening with the Best Man, and reminded herself to thank Gerald for choosing so well. Only Arnold, in a dark grey suit and a fresh haircut, was just enough to distract her from her Maid of Honor duties.

"Whatever...", she replied, turning back to look at her best friend and her new husband. Gerald slung and arm around the back of Phoebe's chair and whispered something in her ear that made her burst into laughter. Helga found herself smiling at the sight.

"They're happy, aren't they?" Arnold asked.

"Of course they are; they're soulmates." Helga answered, as if stating the obvious. Arnold scoffed slightly under his breath. "What?"

"Nothing; I just don't know if I believe in all that."

Helga stepped back slightly, genuinely shocked at what she was hearing. "Are you serious? You're the dopiest, most head-in-the-clouds, dreamer I've ever known, and you're not sure you believe in _soulmates_?"

Arnold shrugged. "I don't know...it just seems like...like love is more complicated than that. What if you meet somebody and fall in love, but then it doesn't work out? Were they your soulmate? And what if you fall in love _again_? Is _that_ person your soulmate, or the first one? There are too many variables at play."

"I never thought I'd be having this conversation with you, Footballface." Helga sighed, resuming their slow dance. "I don't know the ins and outs of all of this love stuff, but I like to think we all have somebody out there who is waiting on us, or something sappy like that." Before Helga could expound more eloquently on the subject, Phoebe and Gerald's wedding planner tapped her on the shoulder and let her know that the bride wanted a few pictures of her bridesmaids. Muttering a brief "see you later, Helga left Arnold alone on the dance floor and made her way across the reception hall to her best friend.

* * *

Loading the last of the presents into her car, Helga turned back to Phoebe and Gerald, surveying the new couple under the streetlights of the parking lot.

"Have fun in Maui, you two," she said, hugging Gerald first and the Phoebe, the latter lasting a bit longer. "Don't come home with any souvenirs, if you know what I mean. Or do; it's no skin off of my nose."

The pair bid her goodnight and disappeared into their limousine. Helga watched them go before turning back to return to the reception hall. A long night of deconstructing centerpieces and sweeping up rose petals lay before her, and she was not eager to start.

Fortunately enough, a distraction stood between herself and the door.

"Heading home?" Arnold asked, leaning on the door frame.

"I _wish_ ," Helga scoffed. "I have to stay and help clean up."

"I don't mind lending a hand..."

"Then I have to take all their presents to Phoebe's apartment."

"Sounds like fun."

"And I'm staying there until Sunday, housesitting-slash-babysitting a monitor lizard."

"Looks like you have a full week ahead of you." Arnold said.

Helga leaned on the brick next to him and tried not to look nervous. "Its what I get for being the best friend of a bride with no sisters or female cousins." She took a pause to allow him to continue the conversation. When he didn't, she spoke again. "What are you doing out here?"

"Well, I was thinking about what you said earlier..."

"Yeah?"

"And maybe you have a point."

"Maybe?"

"Yes, _maybe_. I was thinking we could discuss this a little more, over dinner."

"Dinner? To discuss the reality of soulmates?" Helga asked, skeptically.

"Exactly."

"I'd love to."

* * *

A/N: Boo. That ending stinks, y'all. My bad.

PointyObjects


	7. Sticky Situation

Shortaki Week

Day Seven: Sticky Situation

"I won't be a part of this."

"Too late."

"This is _illegal_."

"Is not."

"Its _morally_ wrong."

"Since when have I been moral?"

"Helga..."

"Arnoldo..."

"I don't think this is a good idea..."

"Shush..."

"Tickets, please."

"Here you are, sir."

"Cinema 4, on the left...excuse me, ma'am?"

"...yes..."

"Would you mind following me over to the ticket office?"

"Wh-why, sir?"

"Helga, just fess up. Maybe they won't kick us out..."

"Because...you are today's 500th patron! Your movie tickets are free! We'll refund your ticket over here."

"Wha..."

"Sweet! See, Arnold; I told you they can't kick you out for sneaking candy in here..."

"What was that ma'am?"

"...nothing..."

* * *

A/N: Get it? "Sticky Situation? Because she's sneaking candy into the movies...and candy is...sticky...

Whatever. Also, never buy movie theatre candy. It's expensive for no reason.

PointyObjects


	8. Creator's Choice: Spontaneity

Shortaki Week

Day Eight: Spontaneity

When planning a night out with his wife, Arnold knew two very simple rules.

The first was, that Helga hated getting dressed up. A few semi-final garments caught her eye, and she kept one or two nice dresses for special occasians, like weddings, in her closet. But for the most part, she'd rather stay in sweatpants all day.

The second was that, if she absolutely had to dress up for any reason, she needed to eat. She adamantly refused to wear a stupid dress and not eat at the same time.

So when Arnold decided to surprise her with a night out at a swanky restaurant, that required formal attire, he watched with dark humor as his wife struggled to smile, despite being prematurely disappointed with the evening.

When they arrived at the stadium, however, her face lit up and she nearly collided with a family of five, as she ran in to find their seats.

In sharp contrast to the fitted black dress and high heels, Helga held a chili dog in on hand and the other formed a fist and spurred a heavily costumed wrestler to finish his opponent.

Arnold concluded that date night was a success.

* * *

A/N: Happy Shortaki Week, you nerds!

PointyObjects


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